Saturday, April 30, 2011

Thus Spake Buffaloes

Hyderabad, Delhi, Ahmedabad, Bangalore, Uttar Pradesh, Uttarakhand...each place is unique, but one thing is common, Buffaloes. They are quintessentially Indian and they are there everywhere. I was just wondering what they had to say if the could speak.

Hence, here it is...'If they could speak' :

# They call us cattle and animals. Look at what they are doing, drink something which looks like what we pee and then they puke it all over the roads. Just that the point of throwing out is different. Very interesting...

# You might have a Merc, you might have a BMW, but you better stop when we are walking on the roads. Its not just yours because you've a car. Its our home.

# Yes, we are black and we might not take a bath as regularly as you, but at least we don't smear paint over our body like some of those in the posters on the walls.

# You poor pedestrians on the streets...when you have to cross a road, how long do you have to wait? You have to be at the mercy of some soul who might slow down for you to cross or till the light on the pole turns red. Look at us, its either our way or no way.

# Yes, when we die we might not get a burial or a decent cremation. Our soul is left to wander. But at least, nobody will fight or kill each other after we're dead for what we have left.

# The white of our species, the female ones give milk and they are worshiped. So do we, but we do not complain or go on hunger strikes or not give milk right? No...

# Sometimes late night, we can see your lot, staggering on the roads and eventually walking like us on all fours. We sometimes laugh over it, sometimes we just go crap and watch the fun.

# We crap on the roads, yes. If you can, please build us a toilet. We'll try putting it to good use.

# No, there are no cannibals amongst our lot. We love each other too much for any such antics.

# And No, we don't worship cows. We just hit on them.

# We acted in a Tamil movie which was made into many languages and is many other movies. But we don't have the arrogance of a film star or anything, let us remind you.

# We heard somebody by the name Kancha Illaiah has written a theory with our name. We would like to meet him someday for a chai party, of course our own milk.

PS: The post is in bold just like the Buffaloes, BIG, BLACK and BOLD.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

I am a Bachelor

Yes, I am single and a bachelor. Till very recently I have been living alone in a penthouse where all I had for company is my laptop and some books and some things I wouldn't wanna reveal. I am a happy bachelor living in my pad and I love it because:

# True, sometimes when I wake up in the morning and I find the tooth paste is over. I might have to adjust with an orbit or some other chewing gum. Its okay, its not like I am going to kiss somebody.

# What if my clothes are not washed for a while? How do you think deodorants survive in the market? They should actually, as a token of respect and appreciation for all the non cleaning provide bachelors a year's free supply of deodorants.

# Yes, papers might be spread on the floor and I might be spread on them. Any issues?

# I might go home late night or not go at all. So what? There is nobody waiting there to share a dinner or to welcome you home. So let it be.

# Can you imagine playing Pink Floyd or The Doors in a faint decibel? Music is meant to be played loud. I will play it as loud as I like, so what? I don't speak to myself much to hear me.

# Sundays are meant to be spent with the 2 B's and 2 M's, Boxer shorts + Beers and Movies + Music.

# Yes, I am a social being. People will come home, and since they are all humans, they'll laugh, sing and dance too. As long as they don't hit on the neighbour or hit the neighbour its okay.

# I might wake up in the middle of the night and start watching The Departed or Pulp Fiction again, am I disturbing anybody?

# Realised utensils are a waste of space and cleaning them is a lot of effort. Beer, you can drink straight out of the bottle and so do other fruit juices and sodas which comes in tetra packs and plastic bottles. For everything else, there are disposable plastic glasses.

# There is nobody to tell me, do not walk on the terrace wearing a boxer shorts. In summers that is a real comfort, if you want to know, try it out yourself.

# Food eaten out of the packets they are packed in is the tastiest. Plates are a major pain once used till next use and the effort between the cycle, phew!

# Spreading waste materials on the floor is very bad, accepted. But who said, crumbled papers, plastic covers, beer bottles, news papers etc are waste? They are very useful. They are all sources of money. Go green, recycle your waste.

# Sometimes I do try to cook, I cook everything and find out the plates are not washed and I am too lazy to do anything after cooking. Ever tried having chicken curry out of a pressure cooker? If not, try it. Its amazing and tasty.

# Yes, I might wake up in the morning with the lungi (a mallu attire resembling a bed sheet) over my head or it could be used as a bed sheet. Frankly, who cares. If you've a problem do not walk into my room during my sleeping hours.

# Hair, it grows on you. The more you try to curb it, the more it grows. Leave it to its own pace, when others really want to see your face they'll do something about it.

# Mirrors for girls. Leave it, its of no use to people who don't shave or comb their hair.

# Last but not the least, Intoxication is not a crime, its just a way of life.

Ah, I am a happy happy bachelor...

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

My city, My everbody's city

While drinking a mug of cold beer at one of the many joints in the city, somebody whom I met very recently asked me, “How do you find Hyderabad after being here for a while now?” to which, even before I opened my mouth my friend replied “Oh, he is in love with Hyderabad”. The person who asked me the question looked quizzed and asked me rather sarcastically “What do you find here? I personally like Bangalore or Mumbai better and so do my friends”

I have thought the same and many others have asked me why I don't leave Hyderabad. The answer is very simple – Just like there is no reason in many of my likes and dislikes or in many of my actions, I don't have a reason as to why I love Hyderabad.

I reached this city by the fall of 2007 as a student of Hyderabad Central University. I don't consider the University as part of Hyderabad at all since that 2500 acres of land is an entirely different experience. It is once I started working that my real stint with Hyderabad started. In between, I did I leave Hyderabad for Delhi. Delhi was accommodative, but not too benevolent. The winters were beautiful, the summers just as harsh, and the people... just like the climate, extremes. I was not a very happy man in Delhi I must say, but each time I go there I study something or the other as I have mentioned in one of my earlier blogs. Fate is very weird, so there I was...back to Hyderabad again by mid 2010. Its April 2011 and I don't see myself leaving this place for another year at least.

Now, I am determined to find reasons and justify why I love Hyderabad. Here are some:

(1) Hyderabad has the charm of the old Nizam ruled state and the fervour of a burgeoning Metropolitan.
(2) Hyderabadi people are one of the most friendliest lot I have come across in my travels across the country.
(3) The cuisine is mind blowing and its a meat lovers close second to paradise, the first being Kerala.
(4) The winters are lovely, mild and beautiful. The summers are hot and cranky. But better compared to Delhi.
(5) It is the place I left home for. The place where the University is, the place where I have had probably what could be called the best time of my life till now.

These are some reasons I tried to list just for the sake of convincing others why I like a place. There are reasons which I don't know.

Maybe it is because all my people, my friends are here
Maybe because I can go back home at 2 o clock at night without fearing lack of transportation
Maybe because I haven't had better beef shawrma from anywhere else
Maybe because I know if I am in trouble, there are people to bail me out
Maybe because I know where and how I can get my work done
Maybe because it is close to B'lore and not too far from Trivandrum
Maybe because I know I won't get lost here in this city

Beyond everything, I am a very happy and free man here. I have known what I am after coming here. I have never felt lonely in this city. How much ever I fight with auto drivers or with anybody for that matter, I have never felt hate or repulsiveness to the people here. Its been very benevolent and caring towards me. It is a choice I made, the city, the people and my people here haven't disappointed me yet.

As much as the city has grown on me, I believe now I have grown on the city too and it doesn't want to leave me...

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Of Amul Babies and Kumbakarnas

Here is a small conversation by some big people:

Mr Rahul Gandhi: “If voted to power, Kerala would have a 93 year old Chief Minister by the end of 5 years”

Mr Achuthanandan: “A gray head is not a sign of ageing, neither is lack of gray hair a sign of youth. The refusal to bow my head before tyranny is the sign of my youth. He has fielded some 'amul babies' in the poll arena and is an 'Amul Baby' himself”

Mr Antony: “Achuthanandan was sleeping like Kumbakarna, blind to scandals during his tenure and was raking up cases of past governments”

Mr Achuthanandan: “Antony was sleeping like Kumbakarna when terrorists from Pakistan landed on a boat and when the Adarsh housing scam broke out”

After having seen all this slandering and not so becoming behaviour by the elite and senior politicians of the country, today i.e April 13th Kerala is going to the polls for the Assembly elections. That was an indiscreet comment for a young lad to make after coming to a state where Mr VS is the chief Minister. Just when you think, a CM would react in a matured way, he blows it all by calling Mr Gandhi an 'Amul baby' and asking him where he was till the age of 40. Not to forget, Mr Achuthanandan is the only CM to be dropped from the party politburo while in office for slandering and for being caught in a war of words with his fellow Comrade and senior party member Pinarayi Vijayan.

Our Defense Minister is somebody who usually keeps a low profile and avoids such controversial statements, but this time even he blew the top. Maybe because, this happened in his state where he was the Chief Minister or maybe because he decided to express his never dying loyalty to the Congress and the Gandhi family by calling Mr Achuthanandan, Kumbakarna.

After witnessing all this through all possible mediums and laughing at the politicians, we are going to chose who will rule us, the so called 'amul babies' or the 'kumbakarnas'. My heart weeps for the voter who has no other choice but to select one of these. Let the lesser evil come to power.

It is in such circumstances that I miss the grand old man of Kerala politics, Mr Karunakaran. If he was alive, we could've expected a more than funny retort to all this. I am sure he must be twitching in his grave and dishing out retorts after retorts.
I am also waiting for the tweet from Tharoor regarding this, or has he realized its not worth it?

Our politics is the least to entertaining and worth a laugh.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Standing on the Clouds

Let me tell you a story, not a new one, an old one which keeps enthralling me whenever I think about it...

A trip, a journey to the lap of nature, wandering and trekking in the wild hills of Chembra.

I walked 4 kilometers into the sky with a bunch of friends, dragging every inch of myself toward the summit. Eventually, after a 4 hour trek uphill, I reached the destination. The experience was to say the least, exhilarating...Nature held a surprise for me. When I looked down to the foothills from atop, all I could see was an ocean of white mist covering the entire area. It was as if the firmament had descended just to bewilder me. I felt I was suspended in mid air, somewhere between Heaven and Earth. And once the mist cleared I could see miles of greenery and rivers...

Standing proud on the Wayanad Hill ranges of the Western Ghats, the peak held its head high into the sky at 2100 meters (6900 feet) above sea level.Chembra Peak might not be very tall compared to other peaks in the country. But nature beheld a green carpet for me to tread on, it quenched my thirst with water when I was tired from its many streams and it fed me its fruits and berries. To me the trek was nothing short of a 'Stairway to Heaven'

Going there from Hyderabad via Bangalore through the midst of the so called city life where I have to go in search of fresh air, Wayanad was a treat only a privileged few can enjoy.I felt a need to protect the forest land which is a rich source of flora and fauna. Beyond all that I would at least protect it for a self interest, that of going there occasionally and blending with the purity of nature.

I cannot but quote Robert Frost who once wrote in a poem 'Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening' about the beauty of a winter forest charm. He wrote:

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.”

And I had my office and my responsibilities calling me back to earn my bread for myself, so that I can go on such expeditions again.

No words or descriptions can do justice to a nature's peak who stands tall braving all odds and witnessing generations pass by. You have to be there, feel the wind on your face, the mist upon your body, the trek in your stride and the mountain inviting you to its bosom... muse, my whore, my beloved.