Saturday, September 17, 2011


For those who don’t know me, I am perennially confused. I take confusion to a new level altogether, be it the food I order from a menu, the girl I wanna go out with, the whiskey I wanna gift my dad, the career I have chosen, the office I work in, the shoe I buy…I am so damn confused. As a result I am in my 5th job in 2 years…

In my first job I was an ‘I dunno what to call’ but my director’s boy in a small film production firm. It was nice, adventurous, different, but it paid me too less and as a result, there went my first job in less than 1 and a half months months time. I called it quits.

My second job was with an IT solutions company as a content writer. Writing is not a bad thing…but writing about microfinance, about genetically modified seeds, about hospitals! Well…not to say more, 4 months is what I lasted for. I got so bored that when I was writing about the Brain & Spine care unit of a hospital I actually wrote Brain & SWINE care!!! (Thank god I wasn’t chucked out)

My third one was by far the most comfortable one. I was with the United Nations in Delhi as a Research Associate. Good money, good and knowledgeable boss, good profile, cheap beer, good chicks…everything was good except that I had some ideological clash with the UN and just that I prioritized my relations over my career and so thought Hyderabad was where I belonged. Yea, I know what you must be thinking, what an ass! Anyway, needless to say more, I quit!

Took a break after that, went travelling, travelled with the best of people…my childhood friends, saw the poorna Kumbh (once in 12 years), travelled in what could called a bus, but a tin with wheels suits it better, boozed for a lifetime, saw new places, new people, new culture…that’s probably one of the best thing that has happened in my life so far.

My fourth job was with a Green Energy Development Company based in Hyderabad. Okayish company, great boss, okayish money (enough for chicken and beer), but I didn’t like corporate life! I felt chained, I didn’t life conforming. I didn’t wanted to be judged by the perfect pleats of my trousers or the shining tip of my shoe. Put up with it for 10 long months.

Now I am teaching in a college in Hyderabad. I am happy with what I am doing. I am not conforming to anybody, I have a very decent pay package, I bought a good television for myself, shifted into a beautiful house, probably the first proper house ever since I left home and it looks like I will stick with this job for a while…its all very good! But you know what, I am slightly freaked out. I got so used to uncertainty that the sheer feeling of certainty is freaking me out! Maybe its all for the better, maybe that’s how things change as I grow older. But as of now…its slightly overwhelming and that’s confusing…

Bob Dylan’s ‘Like a rolling stone’ fits me the best I guess…
“To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone…”


  1. Actually I find that not being afraid to experiment, especially with big decisions like careers, is a good thing in the long run. My uncle suffered for 18 long years before he got the hell out. You had the sense to run long before, respect for the courage it must have taken.

  2. @ Peevee: Uncertainty has got some romanticism attached with it. I had no other choice but to take it all up!

  3. You have a wonderful writing style, Arun, and I am enjoying reading your posts on all sorts of topics :) I literally burst out laughing at the "Brain & SWINE" error!!

    I really struggle with the topic of uncertainty too but after reading your issues, maybe I'm not so bad off after all lol! Just teasing :)

    Sounds like you are suffering from 'uncertainty withdrawal'? :D I hope you will become content & find peace in your new 'certain shoes':)

    Best Wishes,

  4. @ Fiona: Thanks mate! I dunno whats happening, but let what has to happen happen :) Thanks for dropping by my blog!

  5. "girl I want to go out with" ath chumma, ninakk athil choice illalo arune confuse aavan

  6. @ Aparna: Chumma jaada kaanikkanum sammadhikkoole!

  7. start getting confused about what to give aparna to shut her big mouth from spilling unpleasant truths (hint : beefum wineum)

  8. Thats not a bad idea! You just got it!

  9. we have written a lot of brain and swine stuff havnt we?? I totally sympathise And empathise with you, on that point... and you know why!..
    But this......
    "I got so used to uncertainty that the sheer feeling of certainty is freaking me out! "
    This is one heck of a line, sirjee!:D

  10. @ The Mediating Lion: He he..yes, we've written quite a bit! Thanks for the caampleement madame garu ;-)

  11. I would kill to get myself a place in the UN delhi. I have been collecting internship certificates from SOS and CHRI (commonwealth human right initiative) just so tht it might help me get in UN...and u left it!!!!!!!! Okie but u knw wht i appreciate wht u did. U got one life and unless u r satisfied y stick to anything.

  12. @ Red Handed: Ha ha, well I must say all the best! Hope someday you get into the UN, if so do shoot me a message! And about not being satisfied, I really don't know. I could've stuck on to it. I was having a decent life, but somehow factors at the moment played against it. I can best describe it with Floyd's quote..."a momentary lapse of reason". Not that I am regretting it now or anything. I believe in my impulses and instincts, and quitting the UN then was mine. So, let it be...

  13. This is supremely crazy! I loved reading such blogs and I found yours after 100 years :) Never mind!

    I am always confused too. When I thought women are the only confusing beings, I found you :) Thank you!
    I think it's alright to switch jobs and figure what you like the most, at least you have the courage be what you are and that's what you mentioned in your profile as well...

    Keep it up!

    And well UN? I think a good decision there, I read some UN officers were actually involved in sex decision I say.

    Chintu Singh

  14. @ Chintan Gupta:
    Thanks for dropping by. The grass is always greener on the other side. Even though I think man needs to be a adventurous, a grip is good too.
    About the UN, like I have mentioned in the comments, it was a momentary lapse of reason, but I must say its a wonderful profile working there and believe me, the perks are so that it is quite a seductive place!