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How can one define success?

“Be successful in life” is something I have been hearing since I learned the word and till a few months back I had notions of what was successful and what isn't.

I am somebody who left home after my graduation to a central university in search of so called 'success' and much to my surprise, I found the same lot in the University. Everybody wants to be successful in life and everybody has different notions of success. I remember my cousin brother crying the day he got his CBSE results stating he didn't get a 90% but only 87, whereas others who scraped the 90 percent mark were the cream of the lot and the most successful. For some it is the number of medals that adorn the wall, for a journalist it might be the number of bylines s/he can gather, for some it might be the pay he or she gets, or it could be the car they drive, the grandeur of the house they live in...there are so many notions.

I define success now as satisfaction or happiness, not huge money, not owning a top end mobile, not having money to travel by flight...its just plain happiness.

Yesterday I talked to one of my old friends over the phone. She was my classmate during graduation. After graduation when many of her friends including me chose to leave their hometown of Kerala and go to any corner of the country in pursuit of success, she decide to stay back home with her mom and brother and be a dutiful daughter/sister. She did her B ed from one college in the city itself and started teaching school children when others boasted of jobs in MNC's and post graduation degrees from the best colleges in the country. Now she is married, teaching in one of the better known schools in her hometown, taking care of her husband and ready to welcome another life into this earth and be a good mother...she is damn happy. To me, she is a success in life so far and I pray she remains this way...

This post is dedicated to her who made me rethink what success and true happiness is...

To quote one of my other friends “Why do we work? Why do we have friends? Why do we travel? Why do we do whatever we do? So that at the end of the day when we go to sleep we have a smile on our face...”

Ranting of a confused mind

I have 6 to 8 unfinished blog posts in my laptop
I have changed 4 jobs in less than 1 and a half years of working
I have quit a job in the United Nations
I have changed cities in between that too
I have been working in this company for months now and dunno how long more I will

And people knowing all this ask me “whats my aim in life?” “whats my ambition in life?”. I have been asked this question way too many times under various circumstances. Right from the day I completed my matriculation, right after my higher secondary schooling and many a time during my graduation and post graduation. The question has popped in many forms and types. Now when I think about it, let me reassure you I STILL DON'T KNOW. I have no clue whats my ambition/aim in life.

I don't know what I am doing.
I don't know where I am heading
I don't know what I want to do
I don't know if I will earn enough ever
I don't know anything...

I ask is it necessary to have an aim? That makes life much less interesting. That is like closing your eyes to great temptations in life and going on a single flight up, not knowing what would be the scene if not.

On the contrary I have started to believe in the concept of 'nihilism'. Maybe there is no purpose in life. As long as you can make ends meet, as long as you take care of your responsibilities life has to go on. Maybe you are just another brick in the wall, maybe you are just another cog in a machine.

Let me end this in a positive note:

I know I am confused
I know I am caught in the crossroads...