There were people all around me, I could feel multiple stares at me from all possible sides. But I was alone. I didn't know where I was or what I was doing there. I just had to keep on walking, walking to an unknown place in no specific direction. My legs were giving away to the weariness of a tiresome day and intoxication was blurring my mind. I don't know if it was the effect of long hours of work and no sleep or the pegs of whiskey I had as part of some meeting where I again was in the midst of unknown faces and people, looking important.
I kept on walking...my mobile was vibrating, yea I had put it on silent since the ring tone irritated me. It could be a call or a message. It could be my mom or some friend calling or it could be my friend messaging for some unknown reason. I was wondering to myself, why do people wanna talk? Can't we be just by ourselves? How does it matter to my friend if I had dinner or if I reached home? Why is there a need to know what or why or how? Ah...so right was Jim Morrison, “People are Strange”
Now after long hours of walk, I can see some familiar place or is it an illusion or a distant double of a place I know but not necessarily this. Whatever I decided to get a pan from some pan shop and disguise the strong stench of whiskey with the smelly red fluid of chewed pan. Why would I want to do that? Don't people drink? Some drink and drive, some drink and walk, some drink and beat their wives, some drink and make love, some drink and puke...but people drink! Then why would I wanna have some gross red fluid in my mouth after chewing some green leaf?
Oh...I forgot I had music playing in my small gadget plugged to my ear. I can't really remember if it was Floyd or Led Zep or Morrison...but it sounded good ever since I started to notice it. I was transported to different place from then on...I suddenly had shoulder length hair and was wearing a weird looking t shirt and was no longer walking, I was sitting among some familiar faces, but I don't know if they know I am there...they seemed to enjoy. One dude across my table was pretending to be one rock star and woo the chick next to him. I think he offered her a drink. She was also pretending to be a babe...I was also pretending to love the 'do'.
Everybody pretends, puts up an act and tries to cover up things...like showing that you care, that you don't drink, that you are cool...who is original and who is not.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Cluttered
I am not capable of writing anything comprehensive now, but still I want to write. My mind is cluttered, its confused and whirlpool like, there is nothing concrete in it, but still I want to write. So here goes some rambling...
I was the ocean...I was one of god's best creations, but now I am contaminated. I am the mountains...I was one of God's strongest creations, but now I am also belittles. I am the wind...I was one of God's best creations, I blew hard, but now I am taken over. I am the fire...I am man's creation, I could eat it all...but now I am also doused. Man..thou art a fierce creation, but thou can also be doused just like the fire, conquered just like the mountains, blown away just like the wind...
He is necessarily savage, there is an evil streak suppressed in him, it will manifest in some way or the other. Some know how to hide it, some know how to channel it...but it'll. You leave the devil out, you unleash the beast...man is a product of his circumstances, he creates them unwillingly or willingly, but in the end he gives in to his circumstances.
A man's only enemy is himself...he gotta break through to the other side, explore his hidden angle and let it go...unleash the monster inside or cherish the angel outside...a black him as well as the whited him, painted by him for the world...
My brain is like a scrambled egg. I don't even know if I should believe my gray matter is gray in colour. Is it possible for me to see my own gray matter? Maybe just a sliver will do...it might even be yellow from all the shit around, or maybe even red from anger and jealousy or maybe white from the disillusionment around or the good in me painted it white or before I forget, black, not the shiny one, but much like pith, full of evil...why can't i accept my gray matter is gray?
I was the ocean...I was one of god's best creations, but now I am contaminated. I am the mountains...I was one of God's strongest creations, but now I am also belittles. I am the wind...I was one of God's best creations, I blew hard, but now I am taken over. I am the fire...I am man's creation, I could eat it all...but now I am also doused. Man..thou art a fierce creation, but thou can also be doused just like the fire, conquered just like the mountains, blown away just like the wind...
He is necessarily savage, there is an evil streak suppressed in him, it will manifest in some way or the other. Some know how to hide it, some know how to channel it...but it'll. You leave the devil out, you unleash the beast...man is a product of his circumstances, he creates them unwillingly or willingly, but in the end he gives in to his circumstances.
A man's only enemy is himself...he gotta break through to the other side, explore his hidden angle and let it go...unleash the monster inside or cherish the angel outside...a black him as well as the whited him, painted by him for the world...
My brain is like a scrambled egg. I don't even know if I should believe my gray matter is gray in colour. Is it possible for me to see my own gray matter? Maybe just a sliver will do...it might even be yellow from all the shit around, or maybe even red from anger and jealousy or maybe white from the disillusionment around or the good in me painted it white or before I forget, black, not the shiny one, but much like pith, full of evil...why can't i accept my gray matter is gray?
Monday, March 7, 2011
Who is to be blamed?
I read in the Hindu Sunday Supplement a few weeks back, an article about the decreasing childhood. I nodded to it, messaged a couple of my friends whom I thought would be interested, to read it. There lay the matter. Long after that, a couple of days back, while skimming through the pages of a daily, a small snippet caught my eyes. The heading read '16 year old girl in the city commits suicide'. Like any other newspaper intro, the reason for the suicide was mentioned in the first para. And you know what the reason is? She was scared about her approaching 10th board exams...She was so scared about her performance that she decided to escape the torment and end it once and for all. The newspaper said, she had missed some classes and was skeptic about how she would perform, how her grades would turn out. All I can say is – DEPRESSING
She sure was in a phase of life where she could be molded or led to believe what is wrong and what is right, what is bad and what is good. Who is to be blamed here for the girl's untimely death?
Is it bad parenting?
Is is peer group pressure?
Is is the pressure put on her by her school?
Is it the perceived notions of the society?
One could argue, it is a confluence of all the factors put together. That its the mindset of the society, that children are growing up too soon, that the world is bad and its only the survival of the fittest. But I think, it has got a great deal to do with Parenting. Now, I cannot talk about parenting authentically since I have never been a parent. There are some serious problems with our value system I believe.
There is this line from the movie 'Thank you for smoking' where the protagonist is the spokesperson for the tobacco industry and he defends smoking in front of a jury. The jury questions him about teen smoking and how its is destroying young children. His answer was “Gentlemen, its called education. It doesn't come off the side of a cigarette carton. It comes from our teachers and more importantly parents. It is the job of every parent to warn their children of all the dangers of the world, including cigarettes, so that one day when they get older, they can chose for themselves”. That made a lot of sense to me. Upbringing is what it takes I guess. How you bring up the child.
If the girl was open and confident about her parents, I don't think this would've happened. If the parents gave the child that confidence about her academics and about what true performance is, I don't think this would've happened. Its the values that you impart to one's children that is called education. Whatever the society is or whatever happens in school, if the kid has that fall back confidence at home, thats a child's pillar.
Thank God, I had it all during my formative years and more importantly...glad to have such amazing parents.
She sure was in a phase of life where she could be molded or led to believe what is wrong and what is right, what is bad and what is good. Who is to be blamed here for the girl's untimely death?
Is it bad parenting?
Is is peer group pressure?
Is is the pressure put on her by her school?
Is it the perceived notions of the society?
One could argue, it is a confluence of all the factors put together. That its the mindset of the society, that children are growing up too soon, that the world is bad and its only the survival of the fittest. But I think, it has got a great deal to do with Parenting. Now, I cannot talk about parenting authentically since I have never been a parent. There are some serious problems with our value system I believe.
There is this line from the movie 'Thank you for smoking' where the protagonist is the spokesperson for the tobacco industry and he defends smoking in front of a jury. The jury questions him about teen smoking and how its is destroying young children. His answer was “Gentlemen, its called education. It doesn't come off the side of a cigarette carton. It comes from our teachers and more importantly parents. It is the job of every parent to warn their children of all the dangers of the world, including cigarettes, so that one day when they get older, they can chose for themselves”. That made a lot of sense to me. Upbringing is what it takes I guess. How you bring up the child.
If the girl was open and confident about her parents, I don't think this would've happened. If the parents gave the child that confidence about her academics and about what true performance is, I don't think this would've happened. Its the values that you impart to one's children that is called education. Whatever the society is or whatever happens in school, if the kid has that fall back confidence at home, thats a child's pillar.
Thank God, I had it all during my formative years and more importantly...glad to have such amazing parents.
Friday, March 4, 2011
I have faith
At the outset itself let me tell you, I have faith. Faith in what you might ask just like I have asked myself many a time.
I have faith in politics. How much ever people say, its ruining the country and its going to the dogs...I have faith. I believe that for every corrupt politician, there is a dedicated leader. If things can go terribly wrong in a household of four people, here we are talking about a group of people working for a country of a billion. I have faith I say...
I have faith in the media. One could argue that the Indian media is running after sensationalism. We live in an era where even the top media people of our country have been exposed. But I still have faith in the media. I believe the Indian media is a manifestation of the huge democracy this nation is. I have heard many ask about Independence day “what have we got independence from?” “Aren't we still chained by several other parameters?” I have only thing to say, We were born in the post independence India, we never have known how it is to be under a dictatorial government. So I have faith in democracy.
I wrote in a previous blog about the indifference affecting people, a kind of cancer. But again, there are a couple of people who are damn good. People who genuinely want to make a difference, people who mean only good in them and they do more practice than talking. Malice doesn't have a place in them. I believe someday things will turn out to be better. I have hope.
I have faith in faith. People have different manifestations of their faith, some go to temples, some go to mosque's, some manifests it in the form of hope, its differs. I have faith in some power which keeps the world going.
Beyond all...I have faith in myself, I wouldn't call it self righteousness nor egotism. I have faith in my life, my love, my relations, my people, my parents, my friends, my writing, my beliefs and my principles...
To quote Abraham Lincoln from a letter he wrote to his son's teacher “ My son will have to learn that all men are not just, all men are not true. But teach him also that for every scoundrel there is a hero; that for every selfish politician there is a dedicated leader. Teach him that for every enemy there is a friend.” This to me can be written only by a person who has complete faith in humanity and in life.
Faith I have in many many things...just listed out a few.
I have faith in politics. How much ever people say, its ruining the country and its going to the dogs...I have faith. I believe that for every corrupt politician, there is a dedicated leader. If things can go terribly wrong in a household of four people, here we are talking about a group of people working for a country of a billion. I have faith I say...
I have faith in the media. One could argue that the Indian media is running after sensationalism. We live in an era where even the top media people of our country have been exposed. But I still have faith in the media. I believe the Indian media is a manifestation of the huge democracy this nation is. I have heard many ask about Independence day “what have we got independence from?” “Aren't we still chained by several other parameters?” I have only thing to say, We were born in the post independence India, we never have known how it is to be under a dictatorial government. So I have faith in democracy.
I wrote in a previous blog about the indifference affecting people, a kind of cancer. But again, there are a couple of people who are damn good. People who genuinely want to make a difference, people who mean only good in them and they do more practice than talking. Malice doesn't have a place in them. I believe someday things will turn out to be better. I have hope.
I have faith in faith. People have different manifestations of their faith, some go to temples, some go to mosque's, some manifests it in the form of hope, its differs. I have faith in some power which keeps the world going.
Beyond all...I have faith in myself, I wouldn't call it self righteousness nor egotism. I have faith in my life, my love, my relations, my people, my parents, my friends, my writing, my beliefs and my principles...
To quote Abraham Lincoln from a letter he wrote to his son's teacher “ My son will have to learn that all men are not just, all men are not true. But teach him also that for every scoundrel there is a hero; that for every selfish politician there is a dedicated leader. Teach him that for every enemy there is a friend.” This to me can be written only by a person who has complete faith in humanity and in life.
Faith I have in many many things...just listed out a few.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Imperfectly perfect
This blog is dedicated to all the cynics around or at least people who are considered to be one...
A few days ago, somebody who knows me for long called me a 'cynic'. Now a cynic is not something which you would like to be called! Words are just a matter of interpretation and each one could do it in his or her own way. A cynic has many meanings which an Oxford dictionary will tell you, like a cynic is a pessimist, a negative thinker, a person one who smells flowers looks around for coffins, a person who looks at the dark side of everything. Now I have never fancied myself one and so I decided to do a small research on it. Post that I feel its not that bad after all and thought it should be up on my blog...
Cynicism was a philosophical school of thought which believed that the purpose of life was to live a life of virtue in agreement with nature. They were against all conventional desires for wealth, power, and fame, and by living a simple life free from all possessions. They believed that the world belonged equally to everyone, and that suffering was caused by false judgments of what was valuable and by the worthless customs and conventions which surrounded society.
Now thats quite a thought isn't it? There is more to this way of life...
The word Cynic came from the Greek word 'kynikos' which meant 'dog like'. This apparently is because of their indifference to their way of life. Like dogs, they eat and make love in public, go barefoot, and sleep in tubs and at crossroads. And yet another reason is that the dog is a good guard and the dog is a discriminating animal which can distinguish between its friends and enemies. The Cynics were considered the watch dogs of the society. Very interesting to note that Jesus Christ was considered a Cynic by his contemporaries and by some historians later on.
Like any other school of thought Cynicism was also built on a couple of values. They are:
The goal of life is happiness which is to live in agreement with Nature.
Happiness depends on being self-sufficient, and a master of mental attitude.
Self-sufficiency is achieved by living a life of Virtue.
The road to virtue is to free oneself from any influence such as wealth, fame, or power, which have no value in Nature.
Suffering is caused by false judgments of value, which cause negative emotions and a vicious character.
I think the word cynic has been misinterpreted a lot. If this is what the philosophy of Cynicism is, then there is clearly a mismatch about how it is perceived now.Everybody loves imperfections or at least think imperfection-ism is cool. Then I guess we all should be in love with Cynicism...Its just so imperfectly perfect
I am secretly glad about being a cynic if people mean it this way ;-)
A few days ago, somebody who knows me for long called me a 'cynic'. Now a cynic is not something which you would like to be called! Words are just a matter of interpretation and each one could do it in his or her own way. A cynic has many meanings which an Oxford dictionary will tell you, like a cynic is a pessimist, a negative thinker, a person one who smells flowers looks around for coffins, a person who looks at the dark side of everything. Now I have never fancied myself one and so I decided to do a small research on it. Post that I feel its not that bad after all and thought it should be up on my blog...
Cynicism was a philosophical school of thought which believed that the purpose of life was to live a life of virtue in agreement with nature. They were against all conventional desires for wealth, power, and fame, and by living a simple life free from all possessions. They believed that the world belonged equally to everyone, and that suffering was caused by false judgments of what was valuable and by the worthless customs and conventions which surrounded society.
Now thats quite a thought isn't it? There is more to this way of life...
The word Cynic came from the Greek word 'kynikos' which meant 'dog like'. This apparently is because of their indifference to their way of life. Like dogs, they eat and make love in public, go barefoot, and sleep in tubs and at crossroads. And yet another reason is that the dog is a good guard and the dog is a discriminating animal which can distinguish between its friends and enemies. The Cynics were considered the watch dogs of the society. Very interesting to note that Jesus Christ was considered a Cynic by his contemporaries and by some historians later on.
Like any other school of thought Cynicism was also built on a couple of values. They are:
The goal of life is happiness which is to live in agreement with Nature.
Happiness depends on being self-sufficient, and a master of mental attitude.
Self-sufficiency is achieved by living a life of Virtue.
The road to virtue is to free oneself from any influence such as wealth, fame, or power, which have no value in Nature.
Suffering is caused by false judgments of value, which cause negative emotions and a vicious character.
I think the word cynic has been misinterpreted a lot. If this is what the philosophy of Cynicism is, then there is clearly a mismatch about how it is perceived now.Everybody loves imperfections or at least think imperfection-ism is cool. Then I guess we all should be in love with Cynicism...Its just so imperfectly perfect
I am secretly glad about being a cynic if people mean it this way ;-)
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Thinking...
I was just thinking:
Two years back when a student in the university, I used to withdraw 100 bucks from the atm whenever I wanted money. With that 100 rupees my whole day would run comfortably. I could have food at the campus food courts, do phone recharges and be happy. Now I withdraw 500 and its over in no time and I am left with more need of it.
I used to go to class wearing a shorts and t shirt. Now I look the part of a professional all formally clad and executive like. But I feel I knew more then when I had my sartorial freedom...
I now buy a formal shirt from a well off place for my daily wear, but it doesn't feel as snug as the 100 rupee kurta I used to wear as a student.
I now have coffee at Barista's or Coffee Days, but it doesn't taste as good as the 'char rupaya ka bada chai' I used to have under some tree in the campus.
Now I meet people for dinner over a Mac Donalds or in a cafe outside in the city, but the conversation is not as good as it used to be while sharing a roti and some curry on some stone bench in the campus food joints.
I don't have any sleepless nights now as far as work is concerned, nor do I have the happiness I had when I worked on my seminars, edited my documentary, did my term paper not sleeping for 5 days at a stretch.
Now at the beginning of every month I have a good amount in my account, but it doesn't hold the same excitement as it had when the money was less than one fourth of it deposited by my parents when I was a student.
I go for long walks on some sequestered lane, but it just doesn't have the charm of a late night walk with some special friends on some long winding university road.
I now pay a ton and go for a movie at some multiplex, but I loved the local cinema with some creaky seats and no air conditioning near the campus which I used to go counting every penny before buying a ticket.
I now stay in my own apartment and have all the space I want in the world, but it is not as comfortable as the tiny room I used to share with my roommate in some dinghy hostel behind a rock in the university.
I can now buy the beer of my choice, but I enjoyed the one which I bought in campus skeptic if that beer would deprive my mobile recharge next day.
I can rant on and on like this. Life seems so much more simpler back then, even though I had more deadlines than now, when I had 100 rupees left in my account and a week left before next grant from home, when I had no sleep for days at stretch and had no hope for it in days to come...
Just like the places and nature seem to be zip by when you travel in a train, Life zips by and you are supposed to do your part.
Two years back when a student in the university, I used to withdraw 100 bucks from the atm whenever I wanted money. With that 100 rupees my whole day would run comfortably. I could have food at the campus food courts, do phone recharges and be happy. Now I withdraw 500 and its over in no time and I am left with more need of it.
I used to go to class wearing a shorts and t shirt. Now I look the part of a professional all formally clad and executive like. But I feel I knew more then when I had my sartorial freedom...
I now buy a formal shirt from a well off place for my daily wear, but it doesn't feel as snug as the 100 rupee kurta I used to wear as a student.
I now have coffee at Barista's or Coffee Days, but it doesn't taste as good as the 'char rupaya ka bada chai' I used to have under some tree in the campus.
Now I meet people for dinner over a Mac Donalds or in a cafe outside in the city, but the conversation is not as good as it used to be while sharing a roti and some curry on some stone bench in the campus food joints.
I don't have any sleepless nights now as far as work is concerned, nor do I have the happiness I had when I worked on my seminars, edited my documentary, did my term paper not sleeping for 5 days at a stretch.
Now at the beginning of every month I have a good amount in my account, but it doesn't hold the same excitement as it had when the money was less than one fourth of it deposited by my parents when I was a student.
I go for long walks on some sequestered lane, but it just doesn't have the charm of a late night walk with some special friends on some long winding university road.
I now pay a ton and go for a movie at some multiplex, but I loved the local cinema with some creaky seats and no air conditioning near the campus which I used to go counting every penny before buying a ticket.
I now stay in my own apartment and have all the space I want in the world, but it is not as comfortable as the tiny room I used to share with my roommate in some dinghy hostel behind a rock in the university.
I can now buy the beer of my choice, but I enjoyed the one which I bought in campus skeptic if that beer would deprive my mobile recharge next day.
I can rant on and on like this. Life seems so much more simpler back then, even though I had more deadlines than now, when I had 100 rupees left in my account and a week left before next grant from home, when I had no sleep for days at stretch and had no hope for it in days to come...
Just like the places and nature seem to be zip by when you travel in a train, Life zips by and you are supposed to do your part.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
How long will it take...
A few days ago I was traveling by the local train here. A lady was asking for alms along with her daughter in my compartment. When they were walking one lady in burqa stamped on the little girl's feet with her heeled footwear. The child held her tears, looked up at the mom who was busy begging and continued walking along with her. Her feet had become reddish and blood was coming out. I don't think she even had the freedom to cry. How could the lady who stamped her treat the kid so inhumanely? without any consideration for a human being?
A lady in Delhi lay down on the streets of Cannaught Place and gave birth to a baby. The lady was there on the pavement for 5 days apparently. Nobody offered any help or even bothered. Finally after 5 days she gave birth on the streets. It caught the attention of a shopkeeper as there were dogs circling around that pile as if there is a feast in the offing. Anybody who knows Delhi knows how busy CP is. There are people walking in and out, day and night, but nobody cared a shit about who was there or what was there.
How bad should it get before somebody raises a voice?
How much more callous can people get before it becomes a point of no return?
Is indifference such a cool thing?
Would s/he have reacted the same way if it was somebody of his/her own?
If humans are this, then we need to rethink about the word 'humanity' or 'humane'
One of my friends/ confidant/ big uncle once told me, “Its not necessary that for helping out people you should join an ngo...you are the ngo” I guess that responsibility is needed in each. It is not philanthropy, it is not big heartedness, it is not for rhetoric sake, but for making a difference. If i can put a smile on one person before i go to bed for the day I can consider myself a happy person.
I have talked to many a person about this and the feedback I have got is “somebody has to take it up. Somebody has to do something about all the injustice around” I have only one question, why can't that 'somebody' be you or me? How long can you wait for something to happen? I believe if one can inspire one, that will in turn inspire five, and that five a ten and it goes on...
A lady in Delhi lay down on the streets of Cannaught Place and gave birth to a baby. The lady was there on the pavement for 5 days apparently. Nobody offered any help or even bothered. Finally after 5 days she gave birth on the streets. It caught the attention of a shopkeeper as there were dogs circling around that pile as if there is a feast in the offing. Anybody who knows Delhi knows how busy CP is. There are people walking in and out, day and night, but nobody cared a shit about who was there or what was there.
How bad should it get before somebody raises a voice?
How much more callous can people get before it becomes a point of no return?
Is indifference such a cool thing?
Would s/he have reacted the same way if it was somebody of his/her own?
If humans are this, then we need to rethink about the word 'humanity' or 'humane'
One of my friends/ confidant/ big uncle once told me, “Its not necessary that for helping out people you should join an ngo...you are the ngo” I guess that responsibility is needed in each. It is not philanthropy, it is not big heartedness, it is not for rhetoric sake, but for making a difference. If i can put a smile on one person before i go to bed for the day I can consider myself a happy person.
I have talked to many a person about this and the feedback I have got is “somebody has to take it up. Somebody has to do something about all the injustice around” I have only one question, why can't that 'somebody' be you or me? How long can you wait for something to happen? I believe if one can inspire one, that will in turn inspire five, and that five a ten and it goes on...
Monday, February 7, 2011
It is all very weird, yet so beautiful...
Oh freedom
what do you mean...
As much as I have the freedom to question
Doesn't she have the freedom to silence
As much as I have the freedom to give
Doesn't she have the freedom to refuse
As much as I have the freedom to talk
Doesn't she have the freedom to not
As much as I have the freedom to write
Doesn't she have the freedom to not read
As much as I have the freedom to hug
Doesn't she have the freedom to resist
As much as I have the freedom to love
Doesn't she have the freedom to hate
It is all very weird, yet so beautiful...
what do you mean...
As much as I have the freedom to question
Doesn't she have the freedom to silence
As much as I have the freedom to give
Doesn't she have the freedom to refuse
As much as I have the freedom to talk
Doesn't she have the freedom to not
As much as I have the freedom to write
Doesn't she have the freedom to not read
As much as I have the freedom to hug
Doesn't she have the freedom to resist
As much as I have the freedom to love
Doesn't she have the freedom to hate
It is all very weird, yet so beautiful...
Monday, January 31, 2011
S...
How can one define success?
“Be successful in life” is something I have been hearing since I learned the word and till a few months back I had notions of what was successful and what isn't.
I am somebody who left home after my graduation to a central university in search of so called 'success' and much to my surprise, I found the same lot in the University. Everybody wants to be successful in life and everybody has different notions of success. I remember my cousin brother crying the day he got his CBSE results stating he didn't get a 90% but only 87, whereas others who scraped the 90 percent mark were the cream of the lot and the most successful. For some it is the number of medals that adorn the wall, for a journalist it might be the number of bylines s/he can gather, for some it might be the pay he or she gets, or it could be the car they drive, the grandeur of the house they live in...there are so many notions.
I define success now as satisfaction or happiness, not huge money, not owning a top end mobile, not having money to travel by flight...its just plain happiness.
Yesterday I talked to one of my old friends over the phone. She was my classmate during graduation. After graduation when many of her friends including me chose to leave their hometown of Kerala and go to any corner of the country in pursuit of success, she decide to stay back home with her mom and brother and be a dutiful daughter/sister. She did her B ed from one college in the city itself and started teaching school children when others boasted of jobs in MNC's and post graduation degrees from the best colleges in the country. Now she is married, teaching in one of the better known schools in her hometown, taking care of her husband and ready to welcome another life into this earth and be a good mother...she is damn happy. To me, she is a success in life so far and I pray she remains this way...
This post is dedicated to her who made me rethink what success and true happiness is...
To quote one of my other friends “Why do we work? Why do we have friends? Why do we travel? Why do we do whatever we do? So that at the end of the day when we go to sleep we have a smile on our face...”
“Be successful in life” is something I have been hearing since I learned the word and till a few months back I had notions of what was successful and what isn't.
I am somebody who left home after my graduation to a central university in search of so called 'success' and much to my surprise, I found the same lot in the University. Everybody wants to be successful in life and everybody has different notions of success. I remember my cousin brother crying the day he got his CBSE results stating he didn't get a 90% but only 87, whereas others who scraped the 90 percent mark were the cream of the lot and the most successful. For some it is the number of medals that adorn the wall, for a journalist it might be the number of bylines s/he can gather, for some it might be the pay he or she gets, or it could be the car they drive, the grandeur of the house they live in...there are so many notions.
I define success now as satisfaction or happiness, not huge money, not owning a top end mobile, not having money to travel by flight...its just plain happiness.
Yesterday I talked to one of my old friends over the phone. She was my classmate during graduation. After graduation when many of her friends including me chose to leave their hometown of Kerala and go to any corner of the country in pursuit of success, she decide to stay back home with her mom and brother and be a dutiful daughter/sister. She did her B ed from one college in the city itself and started teaching school children when others boasted of jobs in MNC's and post graduation degrees from the best colleges in the country. Now she is married, teaching in one of the better known schools in her hometown, taking care of her husband and ready to welcome another life into this earth and be a good mother...she is damn happy. To me, she is a success in life so far and I pray she remains this way...
This post is dedicated to her who made me rethink what success and true happiness is...
To quote one of my other friends “Why do we work? Why do we have friends? Why do we travel? Why do we do whatever we do? So that at the end of the day when we go to sleep we have a smile on our face...”
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Ranting of a confused mind
I have 6 to 8 unfinished blog posts in my laptop
I have changed 4 jobs in less than 1 and a half years of working
I have quit a job in the United Nations
I have changed cities in between that too
I have been working in this company for months now and dunno how long more I will
And people knowing all this ask me “whats my aim in life?” “whats my ambition in life?”. I have been asked this question way too many times under various circumstances. Right from the day I completed my matriculation, right after my higher secondary schooling and many a time during my graduation and post graduation. The question has popped in many forms and types. Now when I think about it, let me reassure you I STILL DON'T KNOW. I have no clue whats my ambition/aim in life.
I don't know what I am doing.
I don't know where I am heading
I don't know what I want to do
I don't know if I will earn enough ever
I don't know anything...
I ask is it necessary to have an aim? That makes life much less interesting. That is like closing your eyes to great temptations in life and going on a single flight up, not knowing what would be the scene if not.
On the contrary I have started to believe in the concept of 'nihilism'. Maybe there is no purpose in life. As long as you can make ends meet, as long as you take care of your responsibilities life has to go on. Maybe you are just another brick in the wall, maybe you are just another cog in a machine.
Let me end this in a positive note:
I know I am confused
I know I am caught in the crossroads...
I have changed 4 jobs in less than 1 and a half years of working
I have quit a job in the United Nations
I have changed cities in between that too
I have been working in this company for months now and dunno how long more I will
And people knowing all this ask me “whats my aim in life?” “whats my ambition in life?”. I have been asked this question way too many times under various circumstances. Right from the day I completed my matriculation, right after my higher secondary schooling and many a time during my graduation and post graduation. The question has popped in many forms and types. Now when I think about it, let me reassure you I STILL DON'T KNOW. I have no clue whats my ambition/aim in life.
I don't know what I am doing.
I don't know where I am heading
I don't know what I want to do
I don't know if I will earn enough ever
I don't know anything...
I ask is it necessary to have an aim? That makes life much less interesting. That is like closing your eyes to great temptations in life and going on a single flight up, not knowing what would be the scene if not.
On the contrary I have started to believe in the concept of 'nihilism'. Maybe there is no purpose in life. As long as you can make ends meet, as long as you take care of your responsibilities life has to go on. Maybe you are just another brick in the wall, maybe you are just another cog in a machine.
Let me end this in a positive note:
I know I am confused
I know I am caught in the crossroads...
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