Thinking...

I was just thinking:

Two years back when a student in the university, I used to withdraw 100 bucks from the atm whenever I wanted money. With that 100 rupees my whole day would run comfortably. I could have food at the campus food courts, do phone recharges and be happy. Now I withdraw 500 and its over in no time and I am left with more need of it.

I used to go to class wearing a shorts and t shirt. Now I look the part of a professional all formally clad and executive like. But I feel I knew more then when I had my sartorial freedom...

I now buy a formal shirt from a well off place for my daily wear, but it doesn't feel as snug as the 100 rupee kurta I used to wear as a student.

I now have coffee at Barista's or Coffee Days, but it doesn't taste as good as the 'char rupaya ka bada chai' I used to have under some tree in the campus.

Now I meet people for dinner over a Mac Donalds or in a cafe outside in the city, but the conversation is not as good as it used to be while sharing a roti and some curry on some stone bench in the campus food joints.

I don't have any sleepless nights now as far as work is concerned, nor do I have the happiness I had when I worked on my seminars, edited my documentary, did my term paper not sleeping for 5 days at a stretch.

Now at the beginning of every month I have a good amount in my account, but it doesn't hold the same excitement as it had when the money was less than one fourth of it deposited by my parents when I was a student.

I go for long walks on some sequestered lane, but it just doesn't have the charm of a late night walk with some special friends on some long winding university road.

I now pay a ton and go for a movie at some multiplex, but I loved the local cinema with some creaky seats and no air conditioning near the campus which I used to go counting every penny before buying a ticket.

I now stay in my own apartment and have all the space I want in the world, but it is not as comfortable as the tiny room I used to share with my roommate in some dinghy hostel behind a rock in the university.

I can now buy the beer of my choice, but I enjoyed the one which I bought in campus skeptic if that beer would deprive my mobile recharge next day.

I can rant on and on like this. Life seems so much more simpler back then, even though I had more deadlines than now, when I had 100 rupees left in my account and a week left before next grant from home, when I had no sleep for days at stretch and had no hope for it in days to come...

Just like the places and nature seem to be zip by when you travel in a train, Life zips by and you are supposed to do your part.

How long will it take...

A few days ago I was traveling by the local train here. A lady was asking for alms along with her daughter in my compartment. When they were walking one lady in burqa stamped on the little girl's feet with her heeled footwear. The child held her tears, looked up at the mom who was busy begging and continued walking along with her. Her feet had become reddish and blood was coming out. I don't think she even had the freedom to cry. How could the lady who stamped her treat the kid so inhumanely? without any consideration for a human being?

A lady in Delhi lay down on the streets of Cannaught Place and gave birth to a baby. The lady was there on the pavement for 5 days apparently. Nobody offered any help or even bothered. Finally after 5 days she gave birth on the streets. It caught the attention of a shopkeeper as there were dogs circling around that pile as if there is a feast in the offing. Anybody who knows Delhi knows how busy CP is. There are people walking in and out, day and night, but nobody cared a shit about who was there or what was there.

How bad should it get before somebody raises a voice?
How much more callous can people get before it becomes a point of no return?
Is indifference such a cool thing?
Would s/he have reacted the same way if it was somebody of his/her own?
If humans are this, then we need to rethink about the word 'humanity' or 'humane'

One of my friends/ confidant/ big uncle once told me, “Its not necessary that for helping out people you should join an ngo...you are the ngo” I guess that responsibility is needed in each. It is not philanthropy, it is not big heartedness, it is not for rhetoric sake, but for making a difference. If i can put a smile on one person before i go to bed for the day I can consider myself a happy person.

I have talked to many a person about this and the feedback I have got is “somebody has to take it up. Somebody has to do something about all the injustice around” I have only one question, why can't that 'somebody' be you or me? How long can you wait for something to happen? I believe if one can inspire one, that will in turn inspire five, and that five a ten and it goes on...

It is all very weird, yet so beautiful...

Oh freedom
what do you mean...


As much as I have the freedom to question
Doesn't she have the freedom to silence

As much as I have the freedom to give
Doesn't she have the freedom to refuse

As much as I have the freedom to talk
Doesn't she have the freedom to not

As much as I have the freedom to write
Doesn't she have the freedom to not read

As much as I have the freedom to hug
Doesn't she have the freedom to resist

As much as I have the freedom to love
Doesn't she have the freedom to hate

It is all very weird, yet so beautiful...

S...

How can one define success?

“Be successful in life” is something I have been hearing since I learned the word and till a few months back I had notions of what was successful and what isn't.

I am somebody who left home after my graduation to a central university in search of so called 'success' and much to my surprise, I found the same lot in the University. Everybody wants to be successful in life and everybody has different notions of success. I remember my cousin brother crying the day he got his CBSE results stating he didn't get a 90% but only 87, whereas others who scraped the 90 percent mark were the cream of the lot and the most successful. For some it is the number of medals that adorn the wall, for a journalist it might be the number of bylines s/he can gather, for some it might be the pay he or she gets, or it could be the car they drive, the grandeur of the house they live in...there are so many notions.

I define success now as satisfaction or happiness, not huge money, not owning a top end mobile, not having money to travel by flight...its just plain happiness.

Yesterday I talked to one of my old friends over the phone. She was my classmate during graduation. After graduation when many of her friends including me chose to leave their hometown of Kerala and go to any corner of the country in pursuit of success, she decide to stay back home with her mom and brother and be a dutiful daughter/sister. She did her B ed from one college in the city itself and started teaching school children when others boasted of jobs in MNC's and post graduation degrees from the best colleges in the country. Now she is married, teaching in one of the better known schools in her hometown, taking care of her husband and ready to welcome another life into this earth and be a good mother...she is damn happy. To me, she is a success in life so far and I pray she remains this way...

This post is dedicated to her who made me rethink what success and true happiness is...

To quote one of my other friends “Why do we work? Why do we have friends? Why do we travel? Why do we do whatever we do? So that at the end of the day when we go to sleep we have a smile on our face...”

Ranting of a confused mind

I have 6 to 8 unfinished blog posts in my laptop
I have changed 4 jobs in less than 1 and a half years of working
I have quit a job in the United Nations
I have changed cities in between that too
I have been working in this company for months now and dunno how long more I will

And people knowing all this ask me “whats my aim in life?” “whats my ambition in life?”. I have been asked this question way too many times under various circumstances. Right from the day I completed my matriculation, right after my higher secondary schooling and many a time during my graduation and post graduation. The question has popped in many forms and types. Now when I think about it, let me reassure you I STILL DON'T KNOW. I have no clue whats my ambition/aim in life.

I don't know what I am doing.
I don't know where I am heading
I don't know what I want to do
I don't know if I will earn enough ever
I don't know anything...

I ask is it necessary to have an aim? That makes life much less interesting. That is like closing your eyes to great temptations in life and going on a single flight up, not knowing what would be the scene if not.

On the contrary I have started to believe in the concept of 'nihilism'. Maybe there is no purpose in life. As long as you can make ends meet, as long as you take care of your responsibilities life has to go on. Maybe you are just another brick in the wall, maybe you are just another cog in a machine.

Let me end this in a positive note:

I know I am confused
I know I am caught in the crossroads...

A name - a culture

This time on my hometown visit I got the opportunity to revisit my school. The place where I spent a good deal of my formative years. I cannot call it the best days of my life, but it surely paved way for my best days, gave me that integrity and morality of a young man!

My school:
It is a name which makes many a parent proud…
A name which makes many a student the best and the worthiest in town…
A name which gives many a quizzers and debaters a chill down the spine…
A name which gives many a sports enthusiasts a shudder…
A name which we have always shouted and chanted with the head held high and chest undaunted…
And beyond all that, it is a culture that its bearers kindled with utmost care and perfection...
Loyola School…mine and many others formative grounds…

I cannot write anything more about that place. Because no words or aphorisms or adjectives can describe the charm of that place. Nothing can do justice to the valor and the undying spirit which it has instilled in all of us.

This post is dedicated to all my people who have been there and who are still there, felt the place, saw the people, argued, played, fought, debated, sang, danced, abused, studied, had fun, loved and lived together for a given period…blessed are those!

Let it go...

If u feel something is not worth holding on to...you have to let it go.
Why spoil your mood and deny the freedom of the other. If something is not meant to be with you, it never is, however hard you try. So the best thing to do is just to let it go and be happy rather than having to let go of it in a very awkward circumstance.

I seriously don't understand the need for people to keep with them what is not meant to be there with them. If something is meant to be yours leave it and see, it'll come back. Never be the dictator who chains the freedom or anything or anybody.

Why can't people accept the importance of a fart? Its a perfectly natural human process where you let something free. What goes in has to go out and there is no point holding on to it. In fact its better to let go if it at the apt time rather than wait and make a fool of yourself at not so apt a time.

But of course there are farting etiquettes:

Unless its a silent fart never fart in public.

Even if its a silent fart, if you think its a smelly one don't fart when its just two of you. It leaves you with lesser space for speculation.

Take ample fart breaks. The washroom or the balcony in the best place to let it go.

If you know that the other person has relieved himself/herself, don't look at him/her as if they did a big crime. You never when its a bad fart day for you...

And last but not the least...

If the fart was unintentional do not hesitate to take up ownership. If one man can make a difference to the society's outlook on people who fart, so be it...

So...LET IT GO...

A passion...

A couple of days back when my brother asked me to suggest a topic for his yet to launch blog, I felt a deja vu or I would rather say revisiting.

What do I write?
What could make a good read?
What topic would appeal to the people?

These are some questions I have encountered long back when I used to write for the Hindu in Trivandrum and as a new blogger about 6 years back. My perceptions about writing have changed and so has my writing.

If 6 years ago when I was started writing for a daily, my intention was a name, decorating my CV for the pursuit of journalism and not to rule out money.I would look into minute detail for a topic.I would try to find a topic in everything I saw and heard. Then finally it would dawn upon me, a topic which pleases me. Would take up the phone and call my boss and ask if the topic is good enough. Sometimes the go ahead sign was spontaneous, sometimes I had to wait for a while. But in the end, the icing lay in the comments I got on the day the article was published. I would be excited if it was a front page one and how long it was and where my name is placed.

Time just rushed by, before I knew what was happening University was over, Delhi was over and I started my new blog after my old one was hacked. Now I see writing in a new light. Writing for me as much as anything else is a form of expression. I no longer search for topics, they just happen.The chicken vendor in front of my residential colony, a kid who held my hands to alight from a bus, a friend who once I had who later turned a fiend, the various expressions people throw at me in office, a bottle of beer, pink floyd and doors, a taxi driver who showed me what job satisfaction was, a hotel owner in Rishkesh, the priest at a temple near my office...all of them formed my topics rather unknowingly.I no longer think about what topic would interest others, I write what I feel about. I don't write to please anybody now or to get good comments. Writing is a passion as much as my many other passions. I don't like to write for anybody or for anything. The blog gives me my freedom to exploit multiple topics and I have the writer's license to write what I like. This is what writing now means to me. One of my friends once said...”You sound more genuine when I read you than listen to you”

At the end of the day when I go to sleep, when I see a small bit of my own writing, how much ever big or small it is, how much ever polished or raw it is... When I see that small bit of myself in it, I feel elated. Its all mine, the words used, the style, the perception and the quality...there are very few things in this world which I can call mine. But the piece of writing...Its entirely mine.

We all live in a bad wild world

Oh! I had a friend...
Who used to sing and say
Its no good, if you can't pay!

So one day, when the time came
He told his girl, “so honey...
its time to throw some money”

All in all love is divine
But in the end together we wine
A crime it is, enough to whine

We all live in a bad bad world
We try to keep a cool cool head
A cool cool head without a brain

Now it wouldn't be much of an issue
If thinking n talking, went hand in hand
But now, Ranting n raving, goes side by side

We all live in a bad bad world
We all live in a wild wild world
We all live in a bad wild world

Life goes on...

Its been almost a year since I started my blog, and I have about 25 posts to name and by god's grace 20 followers...I am exhilarated at this. I used to and still write for myself. Writing for me is passion, a vent of emotion, an expression of a different kind. And I also believe its experience which gives the word its power. I don't write just for my blog. The blog for me is a forum which I contribute with sincerity and love of writing. Each of these blog posts have a history and an emotion behind it. I have drawn my topics from various avenues and people which I will speak about in a different post.

Fortunately, in my life till now I've had the grace of meeting, being with, spending time and sticking with a bunch of amazing people. This blog is dedicated to all my people who have a role in what I am today.

My dad taught me the fine art of modesty. He taught me what constitutes character. My affinity towards the media and books and writing was a result of watching him study. He taught me the fine art of executing something meticulously. There is this line he told me way too long back which stays in my mind. He said “Son, be true to yourself. Give in 100 % to whatever you do, be it your sports, your studies, your music, your movies...whatever. Love your parents, your friends, your cousins, your family, your girlfriend...”

Being just to the word motherhood, my mom has been there and still is..rock solid; as a friend, a confidant, a treasurer and a mother...I believe that single word is all encompassing of a zillion positive qualities. In my school days when I was notorious for all the wrong reasons, once when I was doubtful of passing my 7th standard I asked my mom “what will you do if I fail this year” All she said was “you're my son whatever happens” and thats the flame that has given me the guts of a teenager, the adventure spirit of a 22 year old and the integrity of a good guy. Both of them taught me the words dignity, pride, honor, integrity, commitment etc...

My younger Brother, looking at the way he is coming up in life, a sense of brotherly responsibility grips me. I see a lot of myself in him.

There are a couple of friend who journeyed with me, saw the country with me, drank with me...but taught me, inspired me. They've just been there...

Vishnu Menon, I have not known another person who had to carry so many responsibilities at such a young age. He once told me “Sadness is a good thing, it propels you forward”. Only a person with an amazing will power and an amazing confidence in himself can say that. Hats off to you man! You have been my morale booster for long now

Rakesh Venugopal, Hats off to you too mate, just for giving me the confidence that courage is
something cultivated and caressed. Leaders are made, and you are a fine make I tell you.

Divya, for just being around...For being the little but big thing in my life. For helping me realize relationships are made in heaven...Its only rarely people get to be in something so pure.

Shruthi...Understanding begins where love ends. Thanks for the faith, the trust and the confidence you have in me. The Understanding which we share has helped me move on...

Aparna, for the never dying spirit she shows in everything she does. For all the debates we went, the quizzes and the many lunches and dinners. You're such a fine girl!

Till now I haven't been proved wrong in the choice of my people.

“Life goes on...”